you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
