the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
