dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm really busy with my period
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