Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
