i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
