The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
