fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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