dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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