Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
