I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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