Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
