If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
