What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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