the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
