you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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