i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
