Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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