dude i'm inner monologue high
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
