its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
