you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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