My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
