Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
