kristin has been a bad kristin
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need to sanitize my soul.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
