Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
