2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
