We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
