FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
