I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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