I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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