before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
