I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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