he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
