If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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