worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
