Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
