Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
