It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
