Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
