So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
