it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
