my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
