Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
