oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
