the condom got lost in my hair
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
