can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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