; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
