The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
