go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
