I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
