who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
