So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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