So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
