What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
