and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
