piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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