Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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